Monday, August 31, 2009

An open letter to the Dyson vacuum cleaner guy.

Dear Dyson, Thank you for being all chivalrous in your attempt at trying to save us poor, helpless women from vacuuming hell. You took time out of your manly schedule working on (much more) important manly things and tried to figure out how to make the vacuum better where others haven't. I'm glad to see you did the research yourself. Your one day of vacuuming seemed to afford you with a wealth of vacuuming knowledge. Apparently, the only problem with primitive vacuums is their suction, and, naturally, we women just want more of that. More suction! More power! (Us women are really all about power and engines and stuff like that, it's common knowledge.) So I'm glad you didn't even bother to ask us if there were possibly any other vacuum cleaner issues besides suction. Lord knows that it would be utterly pointless to ask us, anyway, since we're all hormonal, we barely remember a thing, we don't even understand how those silly contraptions work, and we definitely have no understanding or insight on what other much needed improvements should be made. Now you say you've solved (at least one) of the problems, hey? Suction? You've got more of it, you say? Well, being the owner of one of your revolutionary, better-than-the-first-washing-machine vacuums, I find that your vacuum doesn't suck up dirt, it just sucks. I would give you more reasons why it sucks and those reasons wouldn't even be related to suction, but I don't want to bore you with my trivial woman nonsense. Yours truly, Idle Wife

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